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emadoozer
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Name: ems
Birthday: 7/18/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: music.. movies.. a good mystery book.. shows.. naps.. outtings with friends.. christmas and halloween.. mariokart mondays.. good mixes.. late nights with amazing people.. dogs.. my rainbows.. hardwood floors all over a house.. my animal quilt.. & my cmas lights.
Expertise: watching homestar runner, being lazy, drawing sometimes, keepin it posi, & of course.. eating icecream.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message me
AIM:  emadoozer
MSN: iamemaline@hotmail.com
Member Since:
12/30/2004
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| www.thisamericanlife.com
#245: Allure of the Mean Friend
Please listen.. and wonder..
"Do the mean ones always come out on top?"
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| OH TODAY. what a day like today has been.. oh today. today was nice.. outside. im gettin alittle tan here and there.. cant lie. OH TODAY.. what to speak about. speak? talk about. what to talk about. well.. im currently at work.. a minute early.. go me. im drinking a white mocha (from Portland Brew, on 12. not Bongo- no offense).. you know.. mixin' it up a bit, i spose. I have 5 blank cds that will be filled with wonderous tunes by the end of the night.. (one for blake, with some kickin grooves if i must say so myself). also on this here desk under my arms are some books.. one- a journal. the kind you right in. you know. blank pages with a little tassel hanging on the top for a book mark to save your spot! and the other a book of poems by Dylan Thomas, which a friend (John Still) is currently letting me borrow. (who knows when ill have time.. better yet, take the time to read it) and an intregging (sp) flick called The Descent. If you haven't seen it.. you should. If you haven't seen it and you are a "Scary Movie Lover" then you should see it as well.
Moving on.. my day. today. (I do believe that I am procrastinating) hmm what to write. It has been nice i guess. Interesting as well. I read in Psalms again today. Chapter 2. As you know, (if you know) that they are not that long. (the first few, anyway) It was really good and really reminded me of something. huh. What was that something?.. now that I think about it. Well, let us see.
Psalm 2
1 Why do the nations conspire and the peoples plot in vain?
2 The kings of the earth take their stand and the rulers gather together against the Lord and against his Anoited One.
3 "Let us break their chains," they say, "and throw off their fetters."
4 The One enthroned in heaven laughs; the Lord scoffs at them.
5 Then he rebukes them in his anger and terrifies them in his wrath, saying,
6 "I have installed my King on Zion, my holy hill."
7 I will procaim the decree of the Lord: He said to me, "You are my Son; today I have become your Father.
8 Ask of me, and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession.
9 You will rule them with an iron sceptor; you will dash them to pieces like pottery."
10 Therefore, you kings, be wise; be warned, you rulers of the earth.
11 Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling.
12 Kiss the Son, lest he be angry and you be destroyed in your way, for his wrath can flare up in a moment. Blessed are all who take refuge in him.
There. Now.. what did I think of? If I can recall, I do believe that it was our dear President. Mainly because he is "in power" or "our ruler" at this moment in time. but.. you know. Basically.. is seems to me. that God is saying to all these rulers and kings to not put anyone before Him. and it also seems that they feel that they have taken over their people.. that they have some kind of power. which.. is true. or they wouldnt be kings or rulers of nations. But.. here, they are stating that they have power. "let us break their chains," etc. ruling over people. whatever. and Gods laughing at them completely.. "like you have power" .. And He's just saying that He has the power to rule. not them. and if they don't have God ruling over them first, they're gonna be destroyed by Him and His wrath. Saying.. I have installed my King. Like, .. I have this king already. you're not in charge, I am. God is in control of everything. And He is over us.. made us.. knows us.. loves us. etc. And I think that verse 11 is so powerful in that word, "tremling."
To tremble.
"trem·ble"
[trem-buhl] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation verb, -bled, -bling, noun
–verb (used without object)
1. to shake involuntarily with quick, short movements, as from fear, excitement, weakness, or cold; quake; quiver.
2. to be troubled with fear or apprehension.
3. (of things) to be affected with vibratory motion.
4. to be tremulous, as light or sound: His voice trembled.
–noun
5. the act of trembling.
6. a state or fit of trembling.
7. trembles, (used with a singular verb)
a. Pathology. milk sickness.
b. Veterinary Pathology. a toxic condition of cattle and sheep caused by the eating of white snakeroot and characterized by muscular tremors.
To TREMBLE.. while rejoicing. to actually SHAKE while worshipping, praising, rejoicing God. How many times do you see someone trembling out of joy? Thats a pretty high-up-there level of joy, my friend. and you know what? I want it. I want that. I want to be filled so deep with God that I tremble with joy, worship, ..just rejoicing. amazing.
And it's funny to read this about rulers because my friend and I were chitchatting the other night while I was working. We don't hang out much one on one, so it was really nice to be able to have a talk about whatever we wanted. whatever came to mind. As we begin to gage into conversation (i dont even know if thats the right way to say that at all. much less a real phrase..) we got on the subject of politics. How? I do not know. How does anyone ever get on the subject about Politics. anyway.. so we're talking about that and the government.. and this aweful, vicious cycle that we all live in, in the US.. and we talk about our President and how some stuff really isn't his fault.. and people say that he's terrbile. (I have no comment) And we talk about Africa and how we would love to go there and live with aboslutely nothing and survive on just simply the joy of Christ and the blessings He provides daily. and how, you know.. this is a vicious cycle of life. we're born, we're brainwashed, as I like to call it sometimes, in school and hammered on the head to graduate high school, go to college, graduate from there, and the all top of tops- "get a 'good' job." and we go, and we grad, and we go and we grad again. and then we do get the "good" job (not in all cases). And then, of course, we work and work and save and save and make money over and over and over again. and we get married and have kids. and we work to provide.. and raise. and then we start the cycle all over with the children. they do the same thing we did.. and our fathers did.. and their fathers did. and then we retire.. and then we enjoy those last years we have as we're growing old and then we die.
wow. interesting when we look at it like that. and i know, i know. things in life are great and beautiful and we might not even be able to see all those great and beautiful things if we dont have an education and then the money, and the means of transportation. but its all so weird to me. i feel like.. some alien in a world that 1. i know nothing about 2. im struggling to survive and 3. i dont care about it. and when i say "i dont care about it" simply means that if im an alien and im on this planet thats weird and messed up and im struggling.. i dont care about it. i want off this planet, because, as it turns out.. my planet, my alien planet.. where i came from, i spose.. is so much better. and i understand it.. and i can survive there just fine and im happy there. OR.. im an explorer or.. i dont know.. a tourist and i get in an airplane.. i have loads of cash with me.. all the other things that i need.. and they drop me off on an island. So, as im ready to get oiled up and tan.. i notice theyve dropped me off on the wrong island. (i know.. what are the odds. really.) but.. seriously. so, im on this island. i know nothing about it.. and as the days pass.. after ive walked and walked for miles around the place.. all my stuff is just sitting around somewhere.. not needed.. not being used.. and there is no one on this island but me. now what? im stranded. not happy of course..and i feel like ima die.
ok. ok. extreme. I KNOW. dont worry little beebs out there reading.. its mk. im not gonna kill myself bc i hate america.. and im sure as hell not crazy and WANT to die.. b/c i dont. but really. it gets to me sometimes. i just dont feel like all of this (america.. the US.. its people) was made to live this way at all. I feel shortened.. i feel.. like.. i dont know. days on my life are shortened.. im in a crowded room.. and i cant breathe.. or i DONT KNOW. (please, dont think im nuts.) I guess I do just feel so so soo much pressure. you need education. you need a good job. you need to get married. you need to have chilrens. you need MONEY. you need good makeup to look nice. you need good clothes.. you need a car. you need a laptop. you need to read the paper and watch the news. dont get me wrong,.. i love my computer and im grateful but god forbid if i dont have the net (ironic..) and that im not up to date on my brit spears or anna nicole gossip. gees. what are we? and the whole time- im like.. where.. am i? im better off in the woods, i think.
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So today, i realized that my heart wasn't right. I was at Bongo all day really.. and while basking in the sunlight, smoking a cig, and talking about nonsense with others, a guy came up to me and one of my friends. He sat down and from a mouth full of smoke emerged a question. It was a deep question.. one that the usual person doens't really pay much attention to, may even laugh a bit at it like a joke.. but a question that i, of course, take to heart, think about, and actually answer, outloud, like he wanted to know a real answer from anyone. oh man. anyway.. he says, "so.. really.. when was the last time you really felt alive?" and i thought about it. wow. what a question? you know.. how deep and personal and actually Fullfilling is that question! When was the last time that I, Emily Davis, had felt ALIVE. and you know.. in all honesty, my ex was the first thing that came to my mind. that relationship was the first thing that appeared to me.. tiny pieces of memory beginning to fall in front of my eyes.. taking me off to another place.. a happy time.. a time where my heart was at peace and in harmony with its surroundings. The next thing time frame that took over was back when I was in church. and I dont mean last semester when I decided I needed to go b/c I felt guilty b/c of the night before.. or the fact that i hadn't gone before. I mean.. when I was going to church Religiously.. if you know what Im saying. Like.. Heavy Duty church goin stuff. when i was there every sunday and sun night and every wed and sometimes more during the week to help elderly people with classes.. or kids during practices.. or anything. man.. such good, freakin fullfilling times.
So, in conclusion to my short but sweet post for tonight, I have decided to wipe the dust off of my bible and old devotional that i have never been able to finish. I am determined to make this work.. b/c so far, what ive gotten in life without Christ has been nothing. nada. zip. unfulfilling crap. and im sick of being unfulfilled. i dont believe that is the way that we were made to LIVE. and i think that i am ready to REALLY live. Watch out, here i come.
Psalm 1
1 Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and who leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.
4 Not so the wicked!
They arelike chaff that the wind blows away.
5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgement,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
6 For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.
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| I dont really know what to write about tonight. i dont really feel like writing. today has just been one of those days where i could think of a million things to write about.. and think of a million things about those things to also write about.. but i just don't really feel like writing. so.. i begin.. and end.. with a song. Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on
Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on
I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still
Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on
I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on -the weepies | | |
| This week is an Iron & Wine week. Starting.. with today.
tell me, baby, tell me
are you still on the stoop
watching the windows close?
i've not seen you lately
on the street by the beach
or places we used to go
i've a picture of you
on our favorite day
by the seaside
there's a bird stealing bread
that i brought
out from under my nose
tell me, baby, tell me
does his company make
light of a rainy day?
how i've missed you lately
and the way we would speak
and all that we wouldn't say
do his hands in your hair
feel a lot like a thing
you believe in
or a bit like a bird
stealing bread out from under your nose?
tell me, baby, tell me
do you carry the words
around like a key or change?
i've been thinking lately
of a night on the stoop
and all that we wouldn't say
if i see you again
on the street by the beach
in the evening
will you fly like a bird
stealing bread out from under my nose?
PS. HAPPY GREEN DAY! :)
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